As the CEO of Hamilton, Inc., I fear I must make a tough decision soon. Yes, that’s right, I fear that I will soon have to fire my own housekeeper. I mean, I love her. She is funny, sweet, charming, and quite a good cleaner…when she actually does it, that is. She is pleasant and she really loves me, too. She is like my shadow. I can’t even go to the bathroom without her on my heels. And, when I look in the mirror, there she is! Conversely, she is messy. She is inconsistent. She is distracted…she is a fledgling writer as well. Furthermore, I feel like she is not passionate enough about the job to really do it well…all the time! Now, when we have guests coming or the doorbell happens to ring or something of that sort, she kicks it in to high gear. She’s very fast. She can move around this place like a wildfire when she simply has no other choice. She even had the audacity to tell me the other day to put all my friends and neighbors on notice and let them know that we need at least 1 hour, but preferably 24 hours notice if they intend to show up for a visit. Now, doesn’t that kill the spontaneity of a drop by? The nerve of that woman….
You know what my biggest fear is? Here’s what…I am afraid that when I break the news to her she will not cry. She won’t beg me to let her stay on in this capacity. Perhaps, she will go ahead and send out the invitations to the celebration that she has in mind for this very occasion. Well, I have to put my pride away, soon, and just do it. Let reckless abandon take me over. Oh, and I will be direct, I promise. I believe in cutting to the chase. I mean no hurt or disrespect; but, in business you just shouldn’t pussyfoot around. At least, that has been my experience. I will try to use as much diplomacy as I can muster. I will assure her that I want to remain friends. Hell, she can continue living here under this roof forever, if she wants to. I don’t mind! I’ve grown quite attached to her at this point. She just needs to find her own bliss, you know? That’s all. No harm, no foul. I’ll even let her help me interview her replacement. On second thought, that will be her last task under my employ, to hire a new housekeeper.
I think the ad that she should place for her successor should go a little like this: “Please apply as I really want to get the hell out of here. It is a lovely place to work but I hate cleaning! Now, don’t even consider applying if you have not been diagnosed with OCD. Now, I don’t want you to be under medication for the OCD. I have a different therapy in mind….you can release all the obsessive and compulsive urges right here on my wood floors and my toilets and my oven and all my dusty surfaces. You need not be as funny as Ellen Degeneres; but, that would put you on the “short” list of ideal candidates. You will have to want to be a part of a very amusing and wonderful family. You must love children; especially, the blond haired, blue eyed, angelic female variety. It wouldn’t hurt if you knew how to boil water so that you may cook up a hot dog or something from time to time. If you happen to be a gourmet or soul food chef (albeit an amateur), then all the better. Now, if you can see yourself in this description…if you are this person, please apply immediately! We desperately want you!! PS The paid position is soon to come; but, if you are interested in an unpaid internship for the next 90 days, please go ahead and apply. We could probably arrange something……”
What do you think? Oh well, it’s time for me to sing……………..
“Help! I need somebody
Help! Not just anybody
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed anybody’s help in any way
But now these days are gone, and I’m not so self assured
Now I find, I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors
Help me if you can I’m feeling down and I do appreciate you being round
Help me get my feet up off the ground
Won’t you please, please help me
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I’ve never done before
I know it goes without saying; but, that, my friends, is “Help” by The Beatles. Can we please give thanks for John (Rest in Peace), Paul, George (Rest in Peace) and Ringo? The musical world would not be as lovely had they not been a part of it!
PS How about when you look in the mirror today, don’t focus on the features that you want surgically replaced, removed, enlarged or reduced and see what is truly looking back at you….your beautiful (inside and out) self!
PPS Joe Vitale said that your greatest passion can be found hiding underneath the thing that you are most afraid of. I think he’s right!