Why do people play games? Many years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and she was lamenting over a situation that had happened with another friend of hers. She said for some reason her friend was no longer talking to her. And when she did talk to her, it was cordial. Don’t you love that word cordial? It means that I’m really disgusted with you right now but I am going to pretend that I like you in a way that lets you know that I really don’t. See, I didn’t even need to consult Webster on that one…just pulled it right out of my own ass!! Anyway, we do play games; and I suppose that is fine as long as we remember that the game we are playing is solitaire. I think another realization is that when someone we care about refuses to play the game with us that is exactly what we want. If they choose to play the game they have actually failed the test in our eyes. It is the resistance to the game playing, not the participation in it, that we are looking for. We sort of “test the waters” to see if the defendant gets defensive and if they do, we assume they have committed some crime against us. Am I right?
I just find it so fascinating that we would rather conduct ourselves this way than directly confront the situation. Why are we running from confrontation. Now, here, I am going to consult Webster. He says that confrontation is: ” a meeting of persons face to face; an open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc.; a bringing together of ideas, themes, etc., for comparison.” See, none of those things are scary at all. Confrontation is just a meeting of the minds. It is two people or entities coming together and saying what they feel and either agreeing to disagree, compromising, understanding each other a little more clearly or all of the above. The result is always the same…a solution is found! That solution might be that a firmer business alliance is forged. It might be that a friendship got stronger. It might even be that an end came to a relationship that was not serving either person or entity well. All of these solutions are for the best…wouldn’t you agree? And in the case of personal confrontations between individuals something really nice happens…a fear has been overcome. I mean I have said it before and I will say it many times again…overcoming something that you are desperately afraid of is the most empowering experience ever!!
For all you game players and for those of you who don’t play games I have the best advice for you. It is advice I have been given many times by some amazing people. Most recently I was given this advice from a new friend who I have only met in the virtual world via email. The answer….your solution or your proof or whatever it is you are seeking is not out there. No matter how hard you look. Play as many games as you wish to. Blame as many people as you can possibly name. Lament over the hard blows you may have been dealt in your life. The only person who can give power to those things is you. And…the only one who can overcome them is you, too. You are running around playing these games and testing people to prove what? I’ll bet you can’t come up with an answer. I can; and I insist that you trust me on this one. You have won your game. You have passed your test with flying colors. You are amazing and worthy and capable of anything you want to do! God created you in the most miraculous way. Your abilities (both conscious and subconscious) are so beyond your own imagination it is astounding. So put the cards away, stop playing and start living….your life is waiting!
PS: I wrote this a while back…probably about 3 or 4 months ago and I still believe it. At least, I think it is worthy of a conversation and being published; but, I have to add an addendum. Sometimes, no always, we have to choose our battles wisely. You know, we humans have this ability that animals don’t have. Steven Covey talked about it best in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective Families” when he said we have the ability to pause in between the action and the reaction. (Forgive me, I’m paraphrasing.) I like to call it the pause and reboot. Anyway, sometimes when we really care about someone or some issue we must confront the situation. Other times, we just have to let it go….. The beauty is that we all have the wisdom to know the difference. And, if you’re mind is confused about which way to go, follow your heart!
PPS: My husband and I were playing a little game of name that tune last night using YouTube and our laptops and I found this song that I have always loved. I think it is pretty fitting!