You know, I wrote a post entitled “Serving Time” at the beginning of this blogventure. If you haven’t read it, you should. It will give you a good insight into where I have been and where I am going. Writing that post was so therapeutic for me…you can’t imagine. Whether you are a writer or a blogger or a rocket scientist I highly recommend you put pen to paper and write your story. Write about something you are dealing with or perhaps a struggle that scarred you along the way or just whatever you need to release. I actually wrote “Serving Time” long before I published it here. You see I have a hard time sharing this kind of stuff verbally. Even to the people that I love the most and the ones that love me. I don’t know why. I suppose I want people to view me as strong and positive and I don’t want the people who love me to worry about the fact that I may actually have some issues….Even as I write that I am totally shocked at the admission. Me….imperfect?
I have another confession. Man this one is not gonna taste good coming through my lips (and it might just make my fingers bleed to type it) but I still haven’t completely released myself. On this roller coaster we call life, I always seem to re-incarcerate myself whenever I feel a little low (usually at certain times of the month). The good news is that I have a huge arsenal of weapons now to fight the demons. I have a plethora of people and places that I go in the virtual world to “adjust”. It’s kind of like this computer screen becomes a big mirror. And the answer is in that mirror….it always has been. It always will be. I have spent the better part of my life looking for the answer on the outside. Searching for the “playbook”. Listening to other people and then trying to replicate what they do and say. But my own voice is unique and special; and my words ‘sound’ authentic when they come from me….and yours do too!
You know something else I do that is totally free!! When I get pissed off for some irrational and self imposed reason I open up a word document and rant the most horrific stuff. I tell people off or just commit a lot of verbal diarrhea. I then put on my non-licensed therapist’s hat and I analyze it. I laugh at the ridiculousness of it! I act as if I am third party to it. And, I counsel myself like I do my friends and loved ones. I turn that high powered wisdom right back onto myself! Then… I hit DELETE, quickly before anyone else sees it!! You know why, because it doesn’t make sense; and I need to let it go without risking some important relationships in the process. It also helps me to avoid the most despicable emotion of all…guilt!! Besides guilt should be an exclusive emotion held for people who commit violent acts or do morally corrupt things…not for those of us who are simply human. Right?
So, my advice is this. Put your first emotional impulse in the queue in any format you want; and really think about it. It only takes a couple of seconds to do it. Then decide if it is really worth it. If it is, say it. If it isn’t…trash it! If you look back, I think you will admit (if only to yourself) that you could have saved yourself a lot of regret by doing it……….
PS I am positive and strong…..and beautifully imperfect!!
PPS Sheryl Crow is an artist who began her career as a music teacher in an elementary school. She has been very vocal about her struggles with depression and “darkness”. She was helped along the way by therapy, antidepressants and good famous friends. She actually credits Bob Dylan for helping her overcome writer’s block. Not bad. She wants the following on her headstone, “Under this rock is someone who rocks.” I think that might be the coolest epitaph ever!!