Ever served time? You know..in the hokey…the hooscow (sp. I’m actually a great speller, I just tend to use words that either don’t exist or I’ve never seen in print and I don’t feel like researching Webster’s right now to find the right spelling or to see if it is really a word)…working on the chain gang? No? Well, I have! Funnily enough, though, I have never actually been arrested (Hell, I break into hives when I exceed the speed limit by 5mph)!! Yes, I convicted myself and better yet, I didn’t even give myself a fair trial. I had no legal representation. I allowed myself no appeals. As far as I was concerned I was PRESUMED GUILTY!! I imprisoned myself because I failed!! Several years ago I left a 6 figure income (in a job that I secretly hated) to pursue a dream I never actually had. I opened a restaurant (I was tempted to reduce the font on that word in hopes that no one would actually “hear” it). I could write about the experience indefinitely but I fear it would shorten my life immensely to do so; so, I will shortcut it for you. For a solid year, I was dirty, tired, disgusted, broke, depressed and terrified to open the mail (silver lining: I lost 20 pounds;)). No, this blog has nothing to do with the restaurant business. I have the utmost respect and admiration for the super humans out there making it in the food business. You are my heroes!! I love your food and I will NEVER be your competitor!!
Yes, the prison was a self imposed incarceration! Actually, it was quite comfy. No iron bars, no slop, no toilet in the middle of the room and no overzealous and underpaid guards. I suppose it was more like a well decorated padded cell. I even allowed myself out at times to stretch my legs. I even managed to be a completely awesome Mommy to my beautiful daughter, Laney, who I became impregnated with 2 months before I closed the doors to the hellhole (just can’t bring myself to say the “r” word anymore). I did a lot of soul searching in that cell. I studied a lot about the life I had created for myself. I gained back the twenty pounds or I guess I should say I never lost the baby weight ;). I learned a lot about the law of attraction. I saw it work in my life….mostly to my detriment. I went to hell and back; only 99.9% of the hell I “experienced” was only in my mind. I have a very vivid imagination when it comes to worst case scenarios. But one day, I paroled myself. Yep, let myself out for good behavior. It finally occurred to me that the key to unlock my cell wasn’t on the outside. It wasn’t in the hands of anyone. It was right there hanging from a beautiful golden cord inside the room. That’s right…no matter how hard I screamed, how many tears I cried, how many prayers I prayed, the one place I failed to look for the key was internally. Can you relate?
I have been looking in the proverbial mirror a lot lately; and I have to admit at least 90% of the time I like what I see. If I had to describe my physical appearance I would say I’m “kinda cute”. Depends on what you like. My husband thinks I’m beautiful or he wants sex…not sure which (lol). Actually, I think it’s both!! My daughter thinks I rock!! I try not to judge myself by the reflection in someone else’s eyes…but I have to make an exception in this case. My family loves me unconditionally although they think I’m a little too “rose colored glasses”. And, my friends (at least the ones I haven’t neglected for years) seem to enjoy my company and my naughty sense of humor. But, the ultimate judge and jury…me & God, of course, well they seem to think that I am destined for some great thing. I wish I knew exactly what that thing was. Hmmm…..what does the law of attraction teach us? To act…hello?? So that, my friends, is what I intend to do. I have a firm vision of what I want my life to look like. (Nutshell: Healthy, Wealthy, Generous, Inspirational, best selling author, Well travelled, Sex Goddess to my amazing husband, philanthropist, Mom of the Century, Best daughter, sister & friend. Not necessarily in that order.) I have a few things on my virtual vision board….a white Range Rover, a Louis Vuitton handbag, a beautiful set of diamond earrings, an audaciously large diamond solitaire and a phenomenal pool and pool house. (I reserve the right to adjust this whenever I want to.)
Will you come along for the ride? Will you promise to give me your uncensored and honest opinion along the way? Will you pledge to take full responsibility for your life too? Will you join me in the crusade to teach the law of attraction to yourself and our children? Will you laugh with me? Will you cry with me? Will you promise to always find the silver lining? Will you stop judging people harshly? Will you share your favorite things with me? Will you let me share mine with you?
Thank you for saying YES!! I love you…I really mean it! In exchange for your affirmative, I promise to talk to you at least 3 times each week for the next year. I expect it will be longer but I’m taking baby steps here. I also promise that I will reward at least a few of you ,my most loyal listeners, an invitation to The 5 year birthday party I intend to have in 2016. It will be held in some glorious location of my choosing, of course. If you come, you will have a blast and you will probably have a raging hangover the next day!!
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My favorite things/people:
Neale Donald Walsch
Rev. Michael Beckwith
(Hint: Do yourself a favor and google all of these people. They all have a free newsletter or something they will send to your inbox that will change your life!)