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The Gift of Life

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My husband says I dwell on things too much.  He is right..I do; but, only on the things that are closest to my heart.  Last week on September 9th, I celebrated Brandice’s birthday.  I am sure all of heaven celebrated with her.  I spent the last 2 weeks of her life with her..all day every day.  I deluded myself into believing that if I forced more vitamins and medication on her that a miracle would happen.  And it did…she was blessed with a pain free and peaceful passing surrounded by all the people who loved her.

The other day I was sitting out on my deck and it was a beautiful breezy morning.  The most interesting thing happened…a hummingbird came within about 12 inches from my face.  He stared at me and flapped his wings treading air for about 45 seconds and then he flew away, seemingly effortless.  Call me crazy, but that touched me so deeply.  It was as if he was saying, “It’s okay!”  And in that moment, I knew it was.

Then, I started thinking about those last days with Brandice and what a gift that was.  You know, she knew for a while ( I think) that the end was near.  But, in her loving and generous way, she knew that we needed to fight.  She knew we needed to remain hopeful so she kept up the façade…for us.  All that vile tasting crap that I made her ingest, she never complained.  She lovingly let me hold on to her for a little longer…long enough to realize that I never had to let go.  Have you ever received such a beautiful gift?  Here’s hoping that your answer is yes!

One last thing, I want to share an experience that I think many of us had with Brandice in her last days.  She always loved for me to tickle her back and arms and head.  One day I was scratching her head and she grabbed my hand and she interlaced her beautiful graceful fingers  (She has the prettiest hands.) in mine and squeezed really hard.  We sat there hand in hand for several minutes.  Two brown eyed girls looking at each other and talking without words… telling each other how much we loved each other and how much our relationship meant.  I will always treasure that moment.  I can still feel her fragile little hand in mine and I will hold on to that feeling for the rest of my life.

Thank you all for indulging me on this…it is so cathartic for me to write about this experience.  As much as I wanted her to live and as much as I still want her back; I treasure those last days so much.  What classic novel was it that started with, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of time…” (Was it “The Grapes of Wrath”?)  Anyway, it doesn’t matter but it really sums it up.

Much Love!!

Lori

PS:  It’s okay to dwell on the meaningful things in your life.  Just make sure that out of every cloud you come across you find that silver lining..no matter what!!  I guess if I have one specialty it is that…finding silver linings.  I am so thankful for that gift!

 If I Die Young…The Band Perry

About Lori

Headed to find my bliss...want to join me? You just might find yours along the way too!

4 responses »

  1. I should know not to read your posts during work!!! But I know how you feel. I told Miss Gloria the other day that I didn’t realize this was going to hurt so much. I’m so thankful for those last visits. And Lori, you and Ed were so wonderful. You tried so hard and I know Brandice was greatful. I look back on those moments and it makes me smile. Those looks she would give you when you said “just 45 more strips” were just priceless Beavis!! And I know that I was witnessing the beginning of Laney’s nursing career :)

    Gosh Brandice was so special. And I miss her so much. The last really good visit we had was on Father’s day weekend right before things went so bad. I spent the whole weekend with her just soaking her up. One of those afternoons she was so tired. I could tell she was tired so I asked her if she wanted to go get in her bed. When she nodded yes, we both got up and walked to Paul’s room (she was still walking then). She got in her side, and then pulled the other side back and patted the bed for me to get in. So I got in and snuggled her close. And we were so happy. I will cherish that memory always. Just me and my Beavis.

    the world will never be the same…

    Praying for peace and comfort for all of us as we learn to go through this life without her.

    PS. A Tale of Two Cities…I know that because it’s one of my favorites :)

    Reply
    • Oh Jamie, of course…A Tale of Two Cities. I never was very good at English Lit. I know Brandice wanted to kill me with those B12 strips and all the other stuff. Thank you so much for sharing that story with me. Praying for you, Jamie!! I love you!

      Reply
  2. OK, I’m a couple of days late reading this and I’m sitting here crying. She was so special and she had so many people who loved her – you two are among the ones who loved her the most. I personally think that little hummingbird was a gift from God to you, Lori, and Brandice sent him :-) I’m so thankful Brandice was blessed with such wonderful family and friends and that we can all still remember her and it draws us closer to God – because we know He has us a place waiting in heaven with her. Love both you girls!!!

    Reply
    • I know Bonnie, I cried while writing it!! We are very lucky to have such wonderful families and friends regardless of where they currently reside!! I thought the same thing about the hummingbird!!

      Reply

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